Ronald McDonald House outside of Hope Children's Hospital

I finally found photos online of the Ronald McDonald House that was literally just a "hole in the ground" the winter of '07-'08 when Sam lived in Hope. We could see this hold in the ground from his room. I remember looking out to see it snowing and blowing so often that winter. The early spring morning Sam died, it was sunny when the sun rose. I was finally holding my baby without any tubes or cords. He was starting to turn a little purple by the time of sunrise.

Anyway, we stayed for almost for 3.5 months at a local motel with the help of the hospital's social worker. It was what they were able to offer us as there was not a Ronald McDonald house at the time. All there was, that entire bitterly cold winter, was a hole in the ground. I can still picture it so clearly. . . often I parked on that side of the street when I came to be with Sam. I recognize the trees. . .

Here are the pictures of the place now: http://activerain.com/blogsview/1330491/ronald-mcdonald-house-in-oak-lawn-illinois

My mother is counting down . . .

My mother (N's Grandma, of course) IM'd me on FB a few minutes ago. The message?

"Four weeks!"

Um - wow - she's right! Tomorrow I am 35 weeks along (and schedule c-section in four weeks)!! Wow! N was bouncing on my bladder already this morning. Last night, he woke up at 11:30 pm, too. I could not sleep for a while, but that's okay. I love having him inside me!

I am happy that my mother is so excited! She was really the one, beyond DH and I, that was really 'crushed' by losing Sam. For a while, she was having panic attacks every Wednesday night, recalling our calls that Sam died. More panic attacks than I had, actually. (I'm just prone to having more generalized anxiety all the time, though.) She's coming asap after N is born. I requested this. I wanted her to be able to hold N as soon as possible, because she was never permitted to hold Sam. That makes both of us cry. . . My mother and I get along very well most of the time, and she is also my BEST friend as well. I want "my mommy" to get a chance to hold our new little boy. It is so, so important!

Rotating baby and allergies

Okay, N was head down for a couple of days. Breathing for me was much improved, which is good, because where we live, the pollen count outdoors has skyrocketed in the last week (lots of trees are blooming/flowering currently)! I am allergic to most tree pollens. However, N has spent most of today rotating! He seems to be breech and up in my my ribs again. So breathing is interesting again. . .

N has a few nicknames now, beyond what we call him, depending on who you talk to. A couple of coworkers of my husband have been calling our baby BB Junior (because my husband's initials are BB) and a couple of Asian friends of mine have started calling him Tiger because he will be born in the Year of the Tiger!

Dropped?

N has moved a lot this week. Three days ago, he was still definitely breech, and right up under my ribs. Two days ago he started moving a lot. I am quite sure now that he is head down, and and nowhere near my ribs. I look "less" pregnant than I did on Tuesday evening. I mean, N is kicking below my ribs, not in my ribs. In addition, for the last two nights, he's been moving actively at night between 10 pm and 1 am - and it is SO painful on my bladder - as if he is so low - and maybe on a nerve. I am almost 34.5 weeks. . . and he was measuring a week ahead, so. . .

What if I DOgo into labor before the date of the planned c-section?

We were surprised on Tuesday night - some friends gave us the angelcare movement monitor I'd been wanting! I am so grateful for good friends!

34 Weeks!

34 weeks -- Five weeks until my scheduled c-section! Oh, my!

The baby has thrown off MY sleep schedule quite a bit lately. Last night, I was up until 2 am, because he was moving so much, and sitting right on my bladder - to the point that I was in pain. No contractions at all, though. He seems to still really wake up between 8 pm and 2 am. I can't tell where his head is, versus his bottom, etc, anymore. I can just tell he's getting big and gaining weight!

I had a very small baby shower tonight. . . I really don't prefer to have a big, formal shower, because frankly, it would make me nervous. (We may have "meet the baby" party after he's born.) Some friends in my church handbell group had a small shower for me tonight after rehearsal. They are getting us a rocking chair (Or maybe a glider, not sure, actually)! This was one of the "larger" things on my list of wants! It will be here by Sunday. I am so excited!

I have another OB appt on Friday. We haven't done a NST yet. I wonder when those will start. Maybe I will ask if she doesn't bring it up.

Slight Panic Last Night

N is fine and moving today, but last night as I laid on my right side, I felt very rhythmic movement. My husband could feel it, too. N had the hiccups! Once upon a time, I might have thought that was cute. . . but I know now that for some people whose babies have been born still, their babies had the hiccups a lot in utero. It may have been sign of distress. So now I worry. This WAS the first time that I was aware that N had the hiccups. Maybe he's gotten them other times and I was not aware. So now I worry. Last night when I turned over to my left side, the hiccups stopped. It was a relief, frankly.

Today N is very active again! He's getting big, so I feel him a lot. I still don't "feel" as large as I did at this point with Sam, maybe because I had too much anmiotic fluid with Sam. I have a "normal" amount with this little one.

Sam's Hospital Records

We finally got copies of Sam's hospital records. They STILL did not send the genetic reports!! (Rather steamed about that, but I digress. . . )

I am reading the report of Sam's Cardiac Catherization done just two days before he died. Here is the "Final Diagnosis" from that report:

1) Double outlet right ventricle with mitral atresia, severely hypoplastic left ventricle, subaortic and aortic stenosis, coarctation of aorta and atretic right pulmonary veins.
2)Status post Norwood with Sano modification using a 6-mm Gore-Tex patch from the right ventricle to pulmonary arteries.
3) Chronic respiratory failure with ongoing hypercapnia with pCO2s at least in the 70s regardless of mode of ventilation.
4) Decreased oxygenation from combination of decreased pulmonary flow and increased pathology of the left lower lung, and nonfuctioning right lung.
5) Status post extracorporeal membrane oxygenation (ECMO) support.
6) Occluded iliac veins bilaterally and probably the distal inferior vena cava.
7) Bilateral superior vena cava with no communicating vein.
8) Excellent right ventricular function and no coarctation of aorta.

So. . .
At least #8 was excellent. . . the rest sounds pretty grim, and it was.

I just want to cry.