Finally . . . sigh.

My doctor called Tuesday, and then my phone died completely. I had that phone for over four years. It was the one I got mere days before I found out I pregnant with N in July 2009.

I got a new phone last night night.  (It is not "smart" as we don't want to pay for data and want to keep the same plan we've had for years. It is just a slightly improved version of the phone I had.  And it is navy - the only color available - so not a fun color.  My old one was orange!)  I listened to my messages.  I wish I had heard my phone ring as it was my OB calling.

After almost two months, my HCG levels were "negative"/"normal."  The doctor said this, and this said, "so, yay?!" He then said he hoped I was okay.

That was really nice, actually.  I have been going in there faithfully for testing, even though we'll owe a lot of money.  We have excellent insurance, but each one of the blood draws requires a co-pay for the lab, and a co-pay for the test itself.  It adds up to a lot of money overall.

The thing is, with miscarriage, you don't want any of the "material" left in there.  If the HCG doesn't come down to "normal" (which is <5), then one has to do something else to expel all of the material.  It took a long time (let's see, I found out two months ago now that I was pregnant, started spotting a bit four days later, actually miscarried on Sept 15, and so on.)  I was surprised.  My body maybe didn't want to let it go.
 
The hcg went from 589 to 291 to 118 to 89 to 21 and finally to 0-5(normal) over the course of seven weeks!   It took a long time to come all the way down.  At 89, my breasts still acted like they were pregnant.  At the higher amounts I still felt woozy and nauseous.  (This was completely unlike my previous miscarriage in late 2008.) 

It is kind of relief now that it is totally over.  I still wonder why it happened, why I am not still pregnant, starting my second trimester and everything, but it is not as intense as it was at first. ( Here is my list of possible reasons: http://samyarsheart.blogspot.com/2013/09/26-reasons-i-just-had-miscarriage.html)

However, I know of people due in April, May (yes, May, when I should have been due) and June.  It might be a difficult time for me next spring.

30+ Reasons I Just Had a Miscarriage

Because it is making me feel better (less anxious) to write down all of the possible reasons I just had an early miscarriage after months of trying to conceive - just to get them out of my head, causing constant panic. . .  here they are, ranked from the most likely (for instance, intellectually I know that the most likely reason is the Chromosomal Issues one, but emotionally - and in anxiety-speak - the others could have a place in this list):

1) Chromosomal Issue(s).  (Most likely the real reason.)
2) Hypothyroidism. (I am, but that seems to be under control at the moment.)
3) Severe Anxiety.  (Yes, I experience anxiety and panic.  However, my living son survived in utero with my anxiety, and my deceased first son also experienced a great deal of anxiety in utero when we discovered his defects.  He went on to be born alive at full-term, and in good health, except for his non-life-compatible congenital defects.)
4) Anxiety/panic over actually being pregnant when I got that first positive hpt. I had severe insomnia that night because I couldn't turn off my brain to sleep.
5) Not enough folic acid pre-conception. (Folic acid not only plays a role in neural tube development, but in the heart development in the baby.)  I wasn't taking pre-natals regularly for that month, either.
6) Working Out/Exercising/Weights - I was doing this when I conceived my living son, so maybe kind of a ridiculous reason.
7) My Age.  (I am not particularly young.)
8) Two previous c-sections.  It couldn't implant in a good place?
9) It was going to be a girl (which I dearly would love) and we can't have girls?!?
10) I got a painful insect or spider bite two days after positive hpt.  Could that have done something?
11) Didn't Drink Enough Water (early enough.)
12) It was conceived in Illinois.  (Our living son was conceived in Arizona. Others were conceived in Illinois.)
13) Ate stir-fried bean sprouts one week before first positive hpt.
14) Drank one sip of my brother's apple ale six days before first positive hpt.  Seriously, being pregnant wasn't on my radar as a possibility this month.
15) I made the mistake of dreaming and planning too soon.
16) My living son is not completely potty-trained yet.
17) Benedryl - Maybe I took too much?  I didn't think I was pregnant, and was having allergy issues (it is mold and ragweed season.)  It is considered class B, so should have been okay-ish.
18) I ate too much sugar.
19) Punishment from the universe.
20) Played too hard with living son in the high heat last week.
21) Living son jumped on me while I was lying down.
22) Took amoxycillin for two days for another issue, but broke out in a rash so stopped.  This might have been during ovulation.  Or the week before.  Not even sure when I actually ovulated.
23) Insomnia.
24) Slept on my Stomach - Can that cause something to go wrong?
25) I had my laptop on my laptop at some point.
26) Cell phone in my pants pocket.
27) Drank from plastic water bottles.
28) More things I ate before I knew I was pregnant:
Turmeric, Cumin, Ginger, Garlic, Mozzerella, Pepperoni, Deli Ham, Mayo, Sumac, Homemade soft serve ice cream my living son and I made together from scratch at the local Children's Museum, in a baggie.   Maybe I should not have eaten it, but I didn't know I was pregnant yet.
29) I touched a "Marley and Me" book for kids maybe even when I was conceiving (in late August in a bookstore - my son was taking things off the shelves and I put them back.  This also happened in 2008 when I was conceiving then (and then miscarried).  As well, I saw the movie of "Marley and Me" that Christmas of 2008 when I started miscarrying during the movie.  The same week we found out about Sam's HLHS, I was listened to the audio CD version of Grogan's "Marley and Me."  I avoided anything to do with that particular story when I was pregnant with my living son.  Again - had no idea I was conceiving this time.
30) I rode my bicycle under a big power line area around the time I might have ovulated.  You can hear the lines buzzing.


As a note, I am still hoping that it was a vanishing twin, and that I still could be pregnant.  Seriously, I doubt it - now.  I cramped really hard the other day.

Early Miscarriage

Starting two weeks ago, I got five positive hpts five mornings in a row. Each test became darker and faster with the positive line showing up. I was getting excited! My areolas were getting darker. I was starting to get nauseous. A wonderful Christmas present!

On December 23rd, my BBT remained high. I felt nauceous, and then around 1 pm, my nauseousness and dizziness went away. I was actually relieved. I went to the bathroom later, and found I'd been spotting and never noticed a thing. No cramping or pain. It stopped after about 10 minutes, and maybe 2 teaspoons of blood.

December 24th - Christmas Eve. I was not feeling so hopeful any more. Some spotting, mostly brown, mostly when I wiped. No cramping.

December 25th - Christmas Day. Spotting when wiping. Two very small clots. Major cramping with no spotting at all later in the day.

December 26th. More than spotting. Medium level bleeding, red. Major cramps almost like contractions. I knew it was over by then. Went to the emergency room for ultrasound and blood work. Few signs of pregnancy in my uterus, but luckily so sign of ectopic (yet). HCG level was 29. Way too low for over 5 weeks along. 29 was enough to trigger a positive Answer hpt that morning. I am to follow up with my OB on Monday - to get another HCG measure to make sure it is going down and not up (which could still mean an emerging ectopic - I hope not!)

December 28th. Still bleeding moderately, and some cramps. Like a bad period for me. My husband promises me that we can try immediately after I stop bleeding.

I want a living, healthy baby so badly.

2008 was quite a "sucky" year for so many reasons. I hope that 2009 will be so, so much better!