One week into new cycle

Okay, I am in my fifth cycle since my miscarriage. After a 42 day cycle, I am hoping that this one will be a bit shorter. As well, I purchased OPKs, which I'll wait to start for at least another six days or so. Otherwise, I feel that I have been worrying TOO MUCH about getting pregnant. I know that it will happen when I am not paying so much attention. I just don't know how to distract myself from thinking about it all the time. I am trying to get back into some moderate exercise, which is helping a bit.

I wrote a poem last night. It's not good, and it has not gone through rigorous editing. I retain all rights to it. It expresses what both my husband and me have been feeling: It's not fair.



It’s not fair it’s not fair it’s not fair it’s not fair
It’s not fair it’s not fair it’s not. . . .
What do I do now?
I want a healthy baby here in my arms. It seems
Like everyone else has one. Or two. Or three.
It’s not fair it’s not fair . . . always running
Through my mind.
It’s not fair. My son, my Sam should be here
Toddling ing around getting into things talking and
I’d be the only one who’d understand him at
At 18 months old . . . it’s not fair. . . he should be
Learning to swim and learning to run, looking at books
And begging to be read to. . . it’s not fair. . . he should be
Here
With us
Playing toddler games with his mommy and daddy.
It’s not fair it’s not fair it’s not fair its not fair
I should be starting a third trimester to welcome
Sam’s baby sibling into the world soon.
It’s not fair. . . miscarriage ended that dream. We miss
You dream baby. It’s not fair. . . it’s not fair that we watch
Friends and family bring new babies, healthy babies into
The world and we don’t get to keep one. . . please
Let us have a baby that we can bring home and raise.
We’re loving, we’re ready. . .
It’s just NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!