School is Starting

At least three of the babies born in the six months before Sam was born are starting Kindergarten.  Two   began today.  Their pictures were posted, eager, newly five years old, going to school.   I held both of them as babies, while I was still pregnant with Sam.   The little boy as a newborn cuddled against Sam in my belly and fell asleep, giving his mom the first break (and quiet) she'd had all day.   I still remember that time so clearly.  It's hard to think that this little boy is now going to school.  It's difficult to see that he's growing up.

Don't get me wrong . . . I am glad that he is growing up.  That is better than any alternative, I KNOW, but my Sam is really getting left behind and that upsets me.    

Unsuccessful Second Month of TTC

So . . .

My cycle, which was consistent between 27 and 30 days for almost a year is getting funky again.  Or I had perhaps another near-pregnancy. 34 days long this time!  If it was "normal", then I ovulated later than I thought was going to, and our baby dancing was too early (six-ish days before, which is not impossible, but at our ages, maybe so.)   Maybe I was "normal" because I was in another state/area of the country, and now we're back to the Midwest - and that makes all the difference for me?  I don't know.   I am trying so hard not to be superstitious, but that's hard to do actually.

Some more of our worries not concerning TTC have been resolved, so maybe we will have more time and energy for "having fun" this coming month.   We'll see.

Poem I Just Wrote - A Poem to my Tween Self -#1

(Note: I just wrote this.  I have not really attempted to polish it yet.)   

A Poem to my Tween Self - #1

You read books

day and night.

You read stories

to be able to disappear
in time and place

just for a little while.

Other times you try

to write the original stories

that flit through

your mind constantly –

even at school.

You have discovered

Lurlene McDaniel’s early books by now.

You love the melodrama of illness and hospitals,

and of boyfriends dying. 

They are very quick and easy

to read.  You love 
them, but think these things

will never happen

to you.

In your mind, you think you will

grow up and go

to college – maybe major

in meteorology – and someday

in the vague distant future

get married. 

There will be four children –

at least three girls and then

a boy for balance.  You always wanted

a little sister, and Mom told you to have

a daughter someday instead.

You never even have

an inkling

that you might have

two little boys
someday

and that the first very loved

and wanted

baby boy

might die

in the hospital

in the middle of

the night.