Scrapbooking. . . . Part 1

Today as I walked on the treadmill in the fitness room (before my "afternoon" sickness set in), I allowed myself to think about starting a scrapbook already for this baby. I know that I am only maybe about 6 weeks along, but it made me excited. For Sam, my dear husband and I picked out a scrapbook together one night at the scrapbook store. Since by then we didn't know how long we'd have with Sam, I started putting everything in it. . . even a page where I creative wrote down most of the titles of music Sam heard in utero - in the car, on the radio, when my dear husband played the piano, at a concert we went to, etc. Today as I listened to music while exercising I dreamed of doing this again. Some of the songs that I have already exposed the baby to, although the baby cannot hear yet, may not be appropriate to mention to the baby when the baby becomes a preschooler, such as the All-American Rejects song "(I hope my face)Gives You H*LL". He or she might think that is funny (or maybe rather lame) later, but not really appropriate fare for a four-year old.

If this baby could hear yet, he or she would have already heard quite a variety of bell music (and will hear it close up again in the near future), piano music of various kinds (but mostly classical, as that is what my dear husband mostly plays), persian music (there is a cd for kids I like, and then music by Axiom of Choice), and then The Beatles, Regina Spektor, Enya, Weird Al, Pink Floyd, and various rock and pop songs from over the years. If I get my flute fixed, the baby will hear whatever I feel like playing, for the most part.

When do I start writing the names of songs down for the baby? Is now too soon? Do I wait? I know my husband wants me to wait until we're sure this baby is viable, even though we already love the idea of him or her. My husband has even started talking to the baby, even though said baby is barely the size of a baby pea! This is making me hopeful that everything will go reasonably well in the long run. My uterus is also apparently the size of a plum currently.

Woozy. . .

All-day sickness today. I wanted to go do a light workout, but I am feeling so sick right now. . . to the point I am gagging. That's where I lost out on a lot of workouts with my pregnancy with Sam. . . feeling just too sick.

12 days of Afternoon/Evening Sickness and more items of discussion

Today was the 12th day of 'afternoon' sickness. I was gagging tonight, quite suddenly, over the kitchen sink after feeling generally queasy since about 1 pm. That is how it has been for 12 days now. My DH went and bought me a bottle of ginger ale, finally! I kept saying, since my pregnancy with Sam when I had all-day sickness, when I survived the entire first trimester on ginger ale, that with future pregnancies I would refuse to give in to pop/sugar/high fructose corn syrup/caramel coloring. It was such a relief to be able to drink ginger ale tonight!

Still, I am thrilled that I am having afternoon/all day sickness - it means to me that I know that I am still pregnant. In December, my sickness stopped completely, entirely, a few hours before I started spotting with my miscarriage. So I am trying to embrace my afternoon sickness and even enjoy it to some extent.

Okay, off to bed soon. I took a nap this afternoon, but I am still tired. The problem is that lately I will go to sleep cold (on purpose. . . lovely air conditioning. . .) and then wake up later, even minutes later, explodingly hot and sweaty.

One more thing, I joined a pregnancy message board connected to a TTC board I've been on occaisonally, and I sounded off on someone who was on Effexor (not quite an SSRI, but similar - works a little differently) for depression/anxiety at the time of her conception. She went off cold turkey after she found out she was pregnant. I basically told her that it could be too late for her baby's heart, and other early organs (if in fact, Sam's defects were caused in part by my being on fluoxetine - his HLHS occurred the moment his heart was formed). I hope I didn't scare her too much. It sounded like she needed the med. I do hope her baby is okay.

I think that this new baby's heart has probably formed already. I've starting talking to the baby, telling it that we love it already, and really hope that she/he can come home with us.

Trying not to panic. . .

Yes, two VERY positive home pregnancy tests -- the test line was darker than the control line in the matter of 5 seconds. This makes me feel somewhat hopeful, but I am also scared and trying not to panic.

So scared. . . I am scared that every time I hear something that happens to another baby, another child, will happen to us. Again. The reason why I remember this is that early in my pregnancy with Sam, I saw an Extreme Home Makeover episode focused around a girl who'd had lots of surgery and problems due to her congenital heart defects. So now, just in the last two days, I've heard of two little kids locally who drowned in their grandparents' backyard pool. So now I am freaking out that someday I will have a child who will drown (although, I plan to teach my children as young as possible swimming and water survival skills). It's just very scary.

I am excited, but trying so hard not to be excited. . . because SO MANY things can happen between now and when this baby is due.

:)

:) :) :)

The online Magic Eight Ball was right. . . :)

Relaxing?

I don't know if I mentioned on this blog previously. . . but on the advice of the OB, I know approximately when I ovulate, even though it varies by nearly a week depending on the cycle, I have discontinued BBTing and OPKs. I am okay with this, surprisingly. I am actually relieved. She also said exercising (just don't train to run a marathon)is fine, as is eating peas, as far as she is concerned.

So -

1) I have been doing a couple of miles on the treadmill in the apartment complex fitness room about 4-5 times a week in the last two weeks.

2) Working out with weights again.

I have lost no weight yet, though, which is frustrating.

I think I am already more relaxed. I also think I am may be getting ready to ovulate again, looking at CM. My husband and I are just having romantic interludes every two days or so. It's been more fun! Less pressured!

Pediatric Chaplain who visited Sam and us and Music

I just remembered (again) how the Pediatric Chaplain came around to see us when we were in Sam's room with him. Her name is Rev. Janet, and she is the one who worked it out with hospital security that my husband would be permitted to play the lobby piano after 10 pm (and visiting hours were over). We stayed in a local hotel, across the street from the hospital (they were just in the process of building a Ronald McDonald House), and my husband missed his piano. The staff did rounds and/or staff changes at 10 pm, and parents were supposed to leave for about an hour if possible. So that is when we went down to the lobby. My husband practiced usually some classical pieces. (He's played/studied the piano since he was a kid, as did I, but he is five times better than I've ever been. . . ) I would usually read, and sometimes write an entry in one of my book blogs. My husband's piano playing has always been soothing to me, calming. When I was pregnant with Sam, his playing would calm both of us down. Sam loving his dad's piano playing in utero. . . I would sit right next to the piano so that he would hear it. (I apologize if I have previously written about this. . .)

Anyway, we both really appreciated that my husband had this opportunity to play the piano. The only regret is that Sam never got to hear his dad play the piano after he was born. Sam died just before the little portable keyboard we'd ordered arrived. We still have it. My husband will be bringing it to the hospital we have another baby someday, and play for that baby right away.