Psychic Reading

I sent my picture to be read with my question about future children to this website:
http://www.readmypic.com

Here is what "Ms. Lisa M" said she saw of the picture of me:

"I’m terribly sorry for your loss, and for the sadness and doubt you’re feeling. But all is not lost. The stress of all you have been through has taken a toll on you and is limiting you from conceiving. I also feel that resulting in "missed ovulation". Where you seem to be ovulating every other month. There is some great news approaching and I don’t know if you conceive in September or that is when you get the news, but it is showing happiness, joy, elation and success for you in the early fall months. What is needed is for you to relax and know that the universe does hear you and your desire and your wishes. It will answered, and it will be successful. Your next pregnancy is successful, and does result in the birth of a lovely child. So relax, take comfort in knowing that you need not try so hard. Let your body do its job, and your job is to heal and to take care of yourself. Great blessings and sending you an abundance of love! Lisa"

To find more of Sam's story. . .

Please look in January and February to find more posts about Sam's story. Feel free to contact me if you are "new" to HLHS. Also, I have tried to tag the majority of the posts in which I discuss Sam's story and/or HLHS. . . and the tags are listed long the side menu of my blog. Thank you!

"I Want to Hold Your Hand"

Right now, this minute, I am listening to the Beatles' "I Want to Hold Your Hand". This is the first time, on purpose. . . since the morning Sam died. When I was holding Sam as he passed and after, the song that got stuck in my mind is this one. I held my Samnini in my arms and sang it to him, fondling his hands, his fingers. . . free of the wires and tubes. I wanted to sing it as his funeral, but my mom talked me out of it. We sang "You Are My Sunshine" instead, because it was the song, besides "Here Come the Sun", that I usually sang to Sam while he was alive.

I've had a Beatles' 45 of this song, with "I Saw Her Standing There" on the other side, for 11 years. . . my grandmother gave it and a few other 45s to me. My grandparents had had a bunch of 45s since the '60s. I haven't collected 45s, however, because for years I did not have have a thing to go down over the record player spindle. The record player I currently own I got at a yard sale for $4 seven years ago. . . and just notived today that in the lid, one side did not look like the other. . . and pulled. It was a 'spindle-thingy'!! Finally I could play 45s!! Why now did I notice? Was it because I got out the record player to play the Thriller album in memorial for Michael Jackson (and MJ's heyday of the 1980s - when I was a kid)? That's when I noticed. So now, I have played "I Want to Hold Your Hand" twice. It all feels cathartic.

"And when I touch you,
I feel happy inside.
It's such a feeling that my love
I can't hide, I can't hide,
I can't hide."
- The Beatles (Of course!)

PS -- I have loved the Beatles since I was little, and loved singing the Beatles to Samnini. It was all I dreamed of for years. . . having a baby and sharing the Beatles the baby.

Another Interesting Dream

I had a very interesting clear dream early this morning.

I dreamed that my husband and I were taking turns holding a beautiful and prococious baby girl. . . we'd adopted her! I was so excited in the dream to have a baby. She snuggled against my neck and sighed in contentment.

List of Recommended Reads

I just added a link to my LibraryThing account on the side right bar. . . there is a brief list of books I have found helpful in the last year or so. I highly recommend them.

Another TTC cycle is a bust. . . .

Okay. . . yes, I ovulated a day or two earlier this past cycle. . . but WTH?? My period started nearly three days earlier than I expected. . . after an 11-day luteal phase. My cycle was 28 days long!! My shortest ever without being on birth control! I don't understand what is happening at all. Sept-Nov 2008 - 41 days long, December - miscarriage, January - 32 days long, February 40 days long, March - 31 days long, April/May - 42 days long, May/June - 28 days long. What is up with this? This past cycle I used OPKs and we timed our babydancing correctly. . . or so we thought!

A good friend of mine who is a nurse suggests that it is time to go see my doctor and get tests. I think I am going to call. I hate calling to make appointments. I wish they would offer online appointment making. . .

-----
From one of my favorite musicals, and makes me think of my little Samnini. . .

"Come to my garden,
Nestled in the hills.
There I'll keep you safe beside me.

Come to my garden.
Rest there in my arms.
There I'll see you
Safely grown and on your way.

Stay there in the garden,
Where love grows free and wild.
Come to my garden.
Come, sweet child."
- From "The Secret Garden" (the musical)

"I have lost you
and now I've found you
Let me feel your heart
let me hear your song."

- Julian Lennon, "Cole's Song"