"I Want to Hold Your Hand"

Right now, this minute, I am listening to the Beatles' "I Want to Hold Your Hand". This is the first time, on purpose. . . since the morning Sam died. When I was holding Sam as he passed and after, the song that got stuck in my mind is this one. I held my Samnini in my arms and sang it to him, fondling his hands, his fingers. . . free of the wires and tubes. I wanted to sing it as his funeral, but my mom talked me out of it. We sang "You Are My Sunshine" instead, because it was the song, besides "Here Come the Sun", that I usually sang to Sam while he was alive.

I've had a Beatles' 45 of this song, with "I Saw Her Standing There" on the other side, for 11 years. . . my grandmother gave it and a few other 45s to me. My grandparents had had a bunch of 45s since the '60s. I haven't collected 45s, however, because for years I did not have have a thing to go down over the record player spindle. The record player I currently own I got at a yard sale for $4 seven years ago. . . and just notived today that in the lid, one side did not look like the other. . . and pulled. It was a 'spindle-thingy'!! Finally I could play 45s!! Why now did I notice? Was it because I got out the record player to play the Thriller album in memorial for Michael Jackson (and MJ's heyday of the 1980s - when I was a kid)? That's when I noticed. So now, I have played "I Want to Hold Your Hand" twice. It all feels cathartic.

"And when I touch you,
I feel happy inside.
It's such a feeling that my love
I can't hide, I can't hide,
I can't hide."
- The Beatles (Of course!)

PS -- I have loved the Beatles since I was little, and loved singing the Beatles to Samnini. It was all I dreamed of for years. . . having a baby and sharing the Beatles the baby.