I know where I was and who I was with most of my life on every 4th of July. . . and I just remembered that three years ago, my DH and I were living back in Illinois, and we took our little grill and cooked out near Lake Michigan (boy, I really miss the lake). We watched the fireworks from there, too. I remember being worried that the noise would hurt the baby. Other than that, we were surpremely happy. My all-day sickness had finally abated mostly, and I was just starting to feel the baby oh, so occaisonally. We were looking forward to seeing our baby. It was a month later that we found out that Sam had HLHS (but didn't know about his other problems yet).
And then a couple of nights ago, my husband and I started watching Boston Med. This was in part because apparently my husband accidently walked in on a film crew from the show when he was at work sometime in the last couple of months. (They followed up a doctor who was in Boston and then moved here.) We had to turn it off after the first 15 minutes or so.
They followed a couple whose first baby was also diagnosed with HLHS in utero. We were somewhat okay with this until the mom said that her son's name was Sam. I started crying and my husband turned off the tv. I was fine with that, until my curiousity got the best of me. . . I had to look them up online to "see what happened".
I have to be honest. . . I was rather hoping their Sam would die, too. (Apparently he's gone through the first two surgeries - the Norwood and the Glenn- and has done well since his birth, etc, was filmed last year.) I felt and still feel so guilty for hoping that. I asked my husband - "Why do THEY get to keep their Sam and we don't?? And why didn't they feature a baby with HLHS who doesn't make it?"
My husband oh so helpfully pointed out that because it's a 'reality' medical show, it's going to be "cheesy" -- they are not going to feature a baby who eventually dies because more defects, such as a non-functioning lung, aren't discovered until he's six weeks old, or die from bleed-outs after procedures (like OUR Sam).
Thanks, I feel a little better now.
1 comment:
Hi. I just saw the comment you left, and came to pay you a visit. I understand the feelings you had. I cannot watch medical shows involving kids with any sort of problems, period. I sob. And I have often wondered why we didn't get the happy ending.
Here's to focusing on that in our life which doesn't depress us!!!
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