"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."
― L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Missing Sam While Now Enjoying My Pregnancy with N

This morning N has been "rocking and rolling" inside me. I ate more apple this morning . . . he seems to love apple. Can he taste it?

Even while I enjoy and even rejoice every time I feel N move, I sometimes miss my little Sam even more. I even find myself wanting to call this baby Sam, and I immediately correct myself. This baby is not Sam. I am feeling so hopeful now, after being so guarded and scared earlier in pregnancy, that we WILL get to bring this baby home. I will admit finally that I have been in full nesting mode already. I want to get our apartment fully prepared for the baby. Right now. I feel like I am living for the moment we will hopefully get to have with this little guy that we never had the opportunity to experience with Sam. Walking in our front door with a baby.

At this point two years ago, I was starting to have a few very irregular contractions (Braxton-Hicks). Sam's second birthday is in less than two weeks. I knew it would start to get harder again on the countdown to his birthday, but it's just a such a mix of emotions entering the third trimester of this pregnancy at the exact same time!

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