Two days after Thanksgiving (this year), my son and I helped my parents decorate their house for Christmas. In doing so, I got out the creche scene (lots of figures - Baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph, shepherds, wise men, animals, and the barn) that has been in our family for over thirty years. It has been a long time since I was the one to take it out of the packaging. My parents still keep it the rest of the year in the same box my grandparents mailed it in the Christmas when I was four. When I was little, I was fascinated with this set up. I put a lot of thought of into it each year - where each figure should be. This year, I let my 3 and three quarters year old help me, and somewhere he found an angel figure (doesn't belong with the set) - and suddenly it was just baby Jesus and the angel in the barn. No one else. I don't consider myself particularly religious, so that's not why I felt like crying. It reminded me more of my older son, the one who was newborn and alive six years ago now (even though Christmas he was on ECMO, and things were looking iffy.) Six years ago my older son was alive. By the Christmas five years ago, he was was not. So, I guess what I am trying to say, is that sometimes, it IS hard to try to create memories for my living son . . . but we've also put up our own tree, we've made cookies, and we've visited Santa (even though most of my own memories of sitting on Santa's lap include sheer terror). He's helped me wrap gifts for other people, and is valiantly trying not to share secrets! I loved wrapping gifts with wrapping paper since I was little (my mom let me wrap anything that wasn't for me for years. It was so SO much fun!) So yes, I am trying to create great memories for my son.