It's been a while since I last posted here. Life has been busy. This is a good thing, but sometimes I feel like complaining, especially when it comes to N, and then I feel guilty.
I love my healthy little son (who isn't so little - 40% for weight, and 75% for height!) but sometimes the sleep issues and his fighting of sleep have made me quite "complainy". I then feel guilty. We are really so lucky to be able to conceive and then have this perfect little boy. He has a smile that every woman he looks at thinks is the best smile they have ever seen . . . and he is excellent with flirting! Oh, no!
My spouse lends to feelings of guilt. He feels guilty every time I post a picture of N on Facebook, or focus my status updates on issues and/or accomplishments of N. We have at least two, maybe three, couple friends (in real life, not just online life) who are having trouble having a baby. Two of them are apparently able to conceive, but have experienced multiple miscarriages. We are not sure if a third couple is trying to conceive or not. . . my spouse suspects this is the case, and maybe that is why they've distanced themselves from us. I don't know. They told us at one point that they like being an aunt and uncle (biologically and/or honorary), but I just don't know now.
My spouse says he remembers how it felt three years ago when people posted stuff about their kids, while all we had was the memory of our dead baby. Therefore, in respect to other people and their feelings, he posts very little on his facebook concerning N. And is sometimes highly uncomfortable with the amount I post.
In my defense, I DO NOT post every day about N on my facebook. It is more like every other day in reality. I also post about the weather (hot, dry), genealogy, etc.
It is precisely because of our experience with Sam that I post about N as much as I do. It is really a wonder and joy that we have the opportunity to experience all we do with N! And I want to share!
That said, I do still remember important Sam dates on Facebook, and recognize others who might not be experiencing such happy times. We are in the process of the 4-year Sam anniversaries. It is still hard. I still have Babycenter telling me where a 3.5 year old should be developmentally. I can't bring myself to take him off of there.
So - the question is. . . do I stop posting pictures of N on Facebook? Do I stop mentioning him in status updates, celebrating his wonderful achievements? His annoying sleep habits? Perhaps I should post to all of my facebook friends to let me know if they want to get notification of N-related posts . . . and then I could lock each of these to just very specific people. Is this a good idea?
If you have any advice, please comment.
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